A lot has happened in my life since I last posted. I toyed with the idea of skimming over the details and writing another post like nothing had happened. But I guess this blog is as much for me (and posterity) as it is for you, dear readers. So I have decided to write a Life Lately post and talk a little about what has happened. I am not going to go into minute details. Just mention the things that have happened as my way of honouring the good and the bad that my life has been through. So here goes.
- I started earning again. Since getting engaged, I made a conscious decision to stay away from work (by which I mean earning a livelihood, not writing for pleasure). I was weary of the weekday-weekend struggle and thought I had earned myself a break. Then when I got pregnant unexpectedly, I decided to continue being on a break. It got addictive and before I realised, 3 years had come and gone since my last paycheck. Much as I was enjoying my freedom to do whatever whenever (hello 7 day weekend!), I was, funnily enough, beginning to crave the pressure and the thrill that going to a job brought. Now who would have thought I would say that? And yet, when I did get an opportunity in February 2017, I chickened. I realised I needed something to ease me into work so I could strike the work-life balance the way it seemed right to me. Which is why, in October 2017, I finally started freelancing for a few websites. In another two months, I was ready to take the plunge and join work full-time. By that time, G was able to communicate everything rather clearly in two languages so I figured something could be worked out for her care. Early in January this year, I signed on the dotted lines and am now, juggling work and home life with as much grace as I can muster.
- We welcomed the newest member of our family. Much as the three of us were complete in our own way, we all craved for the heady, squishy love that a new member brought. Enter Janis, our newest baby. Did I hear you say, how the hell? Oh sorry, I forgot to mention, it isn’t a human baby I am talking of. A canine one, rather. On October 8th, we adopted our gorgeous girl, a yellow Labrador who had been the victim of some cruel human parenting and ended up on the streets with her litter only weeks after giving birth. Along with her babies, she was taken in by a kind family who then got down to getting them adopted by people who actually cared. The babies found it easier to be adopted; the mother didn’t have much luck. I can’t understand why, though. She is the most loving baby I have ever met in my life. She is practically a child herself. When we got her, she was all of 15 months. Suffice it to say, she has completed our family like nobody else could have and has exceeded my wildest expectations. You have only to see G and her together to get a sense of what I mean.
- I lost a very dear one. Just when one of the best years of our lives was coming to an end, it dealt us with a blow that we had neither expected nor foreseen in our dreariest nightmares. And were we ill-prepared for it! The accident brought our whole world crashing down. We were grappling and clutching at thin air, failing to make peace with what had befallen us, failing to understand the why’s and the how’s of it, failing to make good decisions, failing to function. We were failing to live. We still are. While all of us put on a brave face for each other on an everyday basis, it isn’t hard to see that the wound that lives within us all is raw and festering. Despite having my hands full with work and life in general, every couple of days, my bereavement hits me in the gut and makes me wheeze. When I see the other members of my family struggling as much as they are, when I see tears rolling down at their own free will, my knees shake. I know life will never be the same again. It can’t be. But will life be life again? If yes, when? The reality that we have been unceremoniously forced to face keeps us all awake at nights. Either in sleeplessness or trapped in our nightmares. And yet, we wake up every morning with our masks on, ready to brave it all once more.
- I am living life more consciously. This is something that I was inching towards anyway but at my own sweet pace. Ever since the loss, the realization that life is just moments and that moments are fleeting is all the more real. I am not Buddha yet but I am trying not to lose myself in the small things too much. I am trying to focus on wellness and live well for who knows how much time I have left? If this should be my last day here, I don’t want to spend it worrying about the dishes or stay up late thinking why someone said something nasty to me and losing sleep over it. I consciously listen to my body, eat well, take care of myself (if not now then when?), spend time reveling in the things G does instead of trying to correct her or hurry up her growing up years, stroke Janis, listen to my husband strumming out melodies, listen to them not just as the play of his strings but as things he is communicating and thus, giving me a peak into his innermost thoughts. I am going to write a detailed post on taking better care of myself so stay tuned for that.
- I have a new Instagram page. But I am not ready to advertise it here. This might seem like a tease. What’s the point of mentioning something only to keep it hush-hush? Well, the idea is for it to grow organically. We do way too much of advertising ourselves anyway so its nice to let something be. To have people follow me because they want to and not because they feel obliged to. All I can say is that it’s beauty-related. Many of you might not know but beauty blogs and YouTubers are my weakness and have been so for many, many years so this is a natural progression.
I am sorry if this post was too heavy on the emotional front for your liking. If this gives you the impression that things are going to continue in this vein then rest assured, they are not. Until next time, be well!